A Few Thoughts on the MTV Video Music Awards
1) I just wasted three and a half hours of my life. I will never get them back. This makes me feel bitter.
2) Gwen Stefani's boob job is in the Tara Reid-realm of "Where the hell did those things come from?" Why, Gwen? Why? When you were flat and proud of it, it was awesome. Now that you've bitten the dust, you fill out your dress and all, but do you really expect us not to notice that you suddenly have weird-looking, smushy cleavage? Hmph.
3) Apparently we Americans only listen to rap music, with the exception of Green Day and Kelly Clarkson. If you are an aspiring musican, but are not Green Day, Kelly Clarkson, or a rapper, just give up now and get a job at the mall, 'cause you ain't never getting played on MTV.
4) I am obsessed with The Killers. Still.
5) I am secretly obsessed with Kelly Clarkson. Still.
6) Somebody needs to feed Hilary Duff immediately and explain to her that, for better or worse, she is not Lindsay Lohan.
7) Jessica Simpson: WTF?? I'm sorry, was that outfit intentional? Did she mistakenly think she was attending the International Crack-Ho awards? Very disappointing, Jess. I don't know why, I don't know how, but Joe Simpson has failed you. And it hurts.